A Best Man Speech crafted to your unique story

Here are some examples for a best man speech.

Opening & Audience Engagement

Self-Deprecating/Relatability:
"Hi Everyone, I’m Ian, the Best Man - I know I should feel honoured about this but I kind of feel that I got the position by default. Mainly because no one else really likes Clive, well, apart from Brenda and she already had a job for today."

Classic Opener/Shock Value:
"They say that if you get nervous during a speech then you should look around and imagine your audience naked….. LOOK AROUND - but, on reflection, i think i’d rather be nervous."

Jokes About the Couple

The Groom's Looks (Affectionate Roast):
"Firstly, after having to use Google translate to understand what on earth she was on about I asked Brenda what first attracted her to Clive - and to check if she was visually impaired or had any sort of mental health issues…. Because, well, (POINT TOWARDS CLIVE) how could someone that’s pretty much made up of elbow skin be considered good looking?"

A Rhyming Roast (Limerick Style):
"They canoodled and kissed like teens
These geriatric love machines
And not once did they part
Even when Clive, he did fart
From all the rich food, red wine and beans"

Groom Story Examples

Physical Comedy/Exaggeration:
"To give him his due I set an ok pace and he kept up fairly well, he even tried a sprint finish to try and beat me at the end - an endeavour in which he failed. The downside of that well intended exertion was that Clive pretty much pulled or strained every single muscle in his lower body. For many days afterwards, every time he tried to walk anywhere it looked like he’d either shat himself or had cerebral palsy."

Karma/Mischief:
"Still on the competitive side Clive and I always used to try and 'outdo' and 'one up' each other, particularly in regards to fishing. [...] So, prior to the boat arriving for him that morning, in the murky light of daybreak an overly eager and excited Clive managed to fall arse over bollocks through a hole in the pontoon, breaking his ankle. Justifiably he didn’t get to go fishing that day and, having collected his fishing gear and car for him I got to eat all of his sandwiches too."

The Infamous Dog (Gizmo) Stories

The Setup (Dog's Breed as Punchline):
"Back in the day Clive saw himself as somewhat of an Alpha man. Confident, assertive, self assured, a hunter, a gatherer, a fisherman and wannabe strong man. And, as such, to match this self indulged and overly inflated ego Clive got this formidable, stupendous and incredibly butch dog called Gizmo. Gizmo was a Shit-zu crossed with a Chinese Crested Poof Poof. Which says a lot about Clive’s Alpha male status."

Visual/Gross-Out Humour:
"Gizmo was a more than accomplished bin raider. On one of his many successful midnight raids he chanced upon some rotten mince. He gorged himself and then, after a short time must’ve felt quite poorly too as he proceeded to decorate the kitchen with liquid doo-doo. Liquid doo-doo that Clive failed to see or smell before walking straight through it all."

The Big Finale:
"Lastly, Gizzy was a fairly curious sort, somewhat inquisitive you might say and more than fond of socially sniffing a derriere or two. So once, when having been all snug and snoozy laid in the bed when he was rudely awoken to one of the largest, hairiest derrieres in existence he felt obliged to make its acquaintance. Unfortunately for Clive the surprise of receiving a cold wet nose upon his smelly freckle caused him to jump a little. Unfortunately, said jump resulted in him cracking his nut on the chest of drawers and splitting his head open!"